Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A Teen Perspective on: Reasons Why

A Teen Perspective on: Reasons Why
By: KRae

Ever wonder what might be some reasons that you are or do things the way you are or do them?

Well in this article I want to maybe give a few examples (very simple or broad range, please keep in mind) for why you may be or act the way you do.
To start, this is a very touchy and sensitive subject, sex.

Why sometimes do people feel so pressured to just do it? Well, it could stem back to your past maybe you either saw people or were a person who needed to earn love or earn the right to be liked by people, whether it be parents, friends, siblings or anything. So maybe because of this “earning” that you saw or had to do you believe, even just believe in the back of your mind, that you need to earn the right to be in a relationship or be fully committed to a person. So you decide this is the way you need to do it. Well, here is something else you can do to work on that whisper in the back of your head telling you need to earn that person by having sex or doing sexual things. Decide that to “earn” that person you will work on noticing and acting on little things that person likes, such as; if that person likes snacks surprise them with their favorite ones often, or if that person is tense a lot then help them by rubbing their shoulders without them asking and so on. These little acts of love will help you earn them, and will mean just as much to them as other things, if they are a good person. But please keep in mind, if they are just with you for you need to earn (and some people can see right through you and can tell you are this need to earn type person) then they will not understand or like that you want to love them without “loving” them.

Or maybe you feel you need to have sex because you are simply needy for no reason (although this neediness is indeed usually caused by past neglect or abuse, I will briefly touch on this a little later on) well in this case your brain is simply in need and has picked this to be what it is in need of. If this sounds like your reason on why you choose to pursue sex or any broad range of sexual desires, such as porn or so on, then train yourself to be needy about something else like control of the remote or you be the one picking the movie or where to go and so on.

It may also be because it is the way of the world right now. Well first, is that ever a good reason to do something? Because everyone else is, or because the world tells you to or tells you how great it is that you need to? No its not. Why? Because the world right now influences you to do many things that in the long run will ruin your life and also influences you to think that the ones whose lives the media has ruined, is great. Please realize that this is not a good reason to do or want to do something because what does the media not show you? The hurt feelings of the next one you sleep with, the difficulty of you or your girl becoming pregnant, the way your parents look at you, the way your reputation can be so easily ruined and even diseases or HPV and cancer.

Also I would like to say that sex and wants and desires might also be from influence to strongly in the home, family influence of this kind includes abuse and or neglect or even neglect of time which therefore makes you need or simply want to be wanted. This urge can be cured by strong emotional connections. So you simply need to realize and admit why you have this urge to be fulfilled and choose to change the urge to needing to be fulfilled emotionally by family friends or still that relationship status but by making it an emotional connection rather than just a physical one.

Also I need to say, don’t let anything or anyone fool you, having sex for the wrong reasons will not work out well, ever. Either you or the other will move on because it is simply the wrong reasons, it is the secret reasons the back of your mind is telling you to do it but it is not the correct reasons or the reasons the front of your mind needs to know to decide if something is good or bad.

So why not wait for the right reasons, why not wait for there to be no reasons in your head telling you not to?

Next thing I want to talk about is more of a broad thing which mainly stems from family influence and peer pressure, self destructive problem habits, such as drugs, drinking and smoking.

One way family can influence you to either now or later on wind up doing these oh so common problems, is just acting like its ok. Let’s all admit it, bad habits your parents or family have, a lot of the time seem horrible to you and then what happens??? Do we start doing the same?? Lots of times yes we do, and it is very sad. If this is the case for why you may have these problems then I am sorry to say but, from what I have seen, these are the hardest habits to break simply because you grew up with it being ok so you therefore, even if you don’t want to admit it, make it ok in your mind as well. Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying that if yours parents have an addiction or problem habit that you are downright bound to get it, because that is far from true. What I am saying is that if you already do the same as they do and you want to stop that you will most likely have a harder time stopping because of your family experience growing up. Honestly the only way I believe truly works in this case is you standing up and making the choice that you will stop your problem habit no matter what and then find outside help! Please listen to me you need someone who will keep you stay on the ball and someone who you can go to if you find yourself falling from your on point decision of stopping.

Now, problem habits can also strongly come from peer pressure, which for many is harder to deal with than any other influence or pressure they will ever deal with. Some people (you may be this person) just can’t say no and others will just do anything to be accepted. If you are this type of person then you need to realize that true friends take you as is….. And same as the media, music, TV and movie influences of sex, why just do it because everyone else is? Because what do others not bring up? The bad choices you can make while under the influence, arrest, injury to yourself or others even others you love, addiction, jail time, or even death.

Another thing that might make you do these problem habits (including the topic of sex I brought up before) is you needing an outlet for life. Well if you think maybe this is what makes you do or act certain ways then I say you need to find a habit, sport or game that you can go to when stressed. And if you go to that instead of the other things as your outlet then at parties, at home or even simply being offered a chance to once again fall into your problem habits really won’t seem like such a need to do thing and this can strongly help you to make wiser choices in peer pressure situations because you simply won’t need to do those things as badly.

Lastly I want to talk about how your loss of family time as a child or bad family time could of led you to anger problems, by maybe witnessing or experiencing anger problems at a young age or growing up in doubt and worry. Growing in doubt and worry could have maybe been because of an unstable life or unstable feelings of life due to divorce of parents at a young age, simply parent troubles, loss of family, money troubles or health troubles with in the family or yourself as well. Not only can these things lead you to anger but it may also have led you to depression or even just a want to be alone and feeling you don’t need others or want others to keep you going or make you happy. Solving these problems are difficult, I can tell you that right now, because they stem much deeper within yourself. But one way you can start the process of solving this is finding something that doesn’t make you forget your pain and loneliness (I say this because so many people, me included, did or do try to forget pain in life rather than solve it or be ok with it) instead try and not care about it entirely, this may be again a hobby such as art, music, writing, sports, games, fixing things, helping others, walking or just great friends that are really true friends.